A New Chapter

Sunday morning I awoke tired and weary. Days 1 through 3 of 3 Day Potty Training had come and gone with only the faintest, and I mean faintest glimmer of hope at the very end of Day 3. Our home was in disarray, my spirits were low and sweet Anna was cutting two molars. Within 45 minutes of waking that morning, she had had three accidents and was crying, begging me not to put "big girl undies" on her again. Fighting back my own tears, we headed for the couch and bare-bottomed Anna gripped her blankie tight with one hand and held my neck with the other hand. I just held her.

And almost surrendered.

After we had both regained a bit of composure and the girls were settled into breakfast, I grabbed my Bible and my dear friend Spurgeon and went looking, even into the evening, for inspiration. It started off just what I wanted to hear:

Observe, then, we must take our sorrows to God. Even your little sorrows you may roll upon God, for he counteth the hairs of your head; and your great sorrows you may commit to him, for he holdeth the ocean in the hollow of his hand. Go to him, whatever your present trouble may be, and you shall find him able and willing to relieve you.

Ah, what a breath of fresh air. He cares. Even about potty training. And He does. But there's more.

I kept reading:

But we must take our sins to God too. We must carry them to the cross, that the blood may fall upon them, to purge away their guilt, and to destroy their defiling power.

Looking at my sweet little girl who had recovered from our moment of defeat, blond curls bouncing as she smiled and ate her breakfast, I paused at the weight of my own selfishness, my feelings of entitlement for all "my hard work," my pride that I had failed and could not boast of our success, and I confessed that I had not trusted God to meet me in my mundane task of potty training. I had tried and failed in my own strength. Oh, that He does use everything, especially potty training, to show me my need for a Savior.

"Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins." ~ Psalm 25:18

I asked the Lord and Anna for forgiveness. We prayed together, asked for His help, and decided to press on, undies and all with great awareness of my need for Him.

I preface my potty training notes with the above because I want you to know that just like any task in mothering, there can and will be moments of defeat and discouragement. But in those moments as in every moment of our days, He cares.

I don't boast in any magic formula and am far from a guru but I will share my heart and lessons learned in the hope that most of all, you'll see it as something for which to rely on the Lord. Without His strength I can't imagine pressing on when the sun is setting on Day 3 and there doesn't seem to be hope on the dawn's horizon.

Remember, He is the light.

For those of you interested in the "how," here are the details:

I used the same material for training both girls and had wildly different experiences...with the same end result... diaper free from the moment we started!

The two resources I used are this ebook and Potty Training 1-2-3. I think both have valuable information from which to glean. I won't outline the books as you can download and read them but my intent is provide you with a few thoughts, observations and alterations we used to fit our children and lifestyle.

First, know that if you embark on the 3day journey it is exhausting, requires absolute commitment, may be the longest 3 (or 4!) days of your life and in my experience is totally worth it. Who really wants to carry on potty training for months? Both resources say that the earlier you do it the better. Ideally, I'd recommend between ages 22 months and 26 months. The older they get, the more set in their ways they become. Like their parents.

There are a few things I'd recommend doing/knowing BEFORE you start:

• Dialogue with your child a lot about the bathroom, diapers, bodily functions, etc. The more dialogue the better.
• If you have other children, ask someone else to watch them AT MINIMUM for the first day (or have someone come to your home to assist you.) Make sure that if you do have someone come to help that they are briefed on the process and that they realize that you cannot really have conversation. You truly have to stare at your child and watch for cues. Just answering a call or even pouring a glass of water can distract you so that you miss a cue. I know it sounds exhausting and seemingly impossible. It is.
  
• Have a lot of beverages that they like on hand... juice, juice boxes, water, etc. We aren't juice people or candy people but for training purposes, I surrendered our "standards." It is only 3 days.
  
• Have a lot of high fiber snacks on hand. I made bran muffins ahead of time.
  
• Make sure you have prizes and incentives.
• If you can, plan all your meals in advance. Freeze meals, plan take out, whatever you need to do. You can't potty train effectively if you're making a gourmet dinner or really any dinner. Remember it is only 3 (or 4!) days.
• Have a lot more undies than you can ever imagine going through. I called Joel at work 1.5 hours into training Addy and made him run to the store. She went through 25 pairs in 2 hours and I couldn't get them washed and dried. If you know someone who has been through the process, borrow undies if you can. You won't need 35 pairs forever, but you may need that many to start. If you're in Boise, call me, I have lots.
• Don't try to fit anything in. When the 3Day lady says no errands, no church, no activities. She means it. Addy figured things out in 3 hours and we went to Costco on Day2. Anna didn't figure anything out until the morning of Day4. Every child is different so you really do need to plan ahead. There really is no way to tell you what to expect. Just prepare for the worst. Isn't that encouraging?
• Even if you think you are going to go crazy at the sound of your voice, keep talking to your little one! Encourage them, talk them through the process, remind them to tell you when they have to use the bathroom. Keep in constant dialogue with them even if you literally, every two minutes are talking about something related to "potty." . I asked Anna for 3.5 days to tell me when she had to go potty before she finally looked at me, said "potty" and sprinted for the bathroom. Don't give up. Remember that children pick up on frustration, exhaustion, defeat, etc from their parents, so in God's strength, with enthusiasm encourage them and press on.
• Completing 3Day potty training doesn't mean that they won't ever have an accident or regress (when we got rid of Addy's binkie she totally regressed for a few long, worrisome weeks.) But, it does mean that from the moment you start, you are done with diapers. It takes commitment.
  
• Pray. Remember that God knows how many hairs are on your head and your little one's head.

Ways we modified or deviated from the plan:

• With Addy, we did the complete 3Day program and did nap & nighttime training too. It meant changing sheets and interrupted sleep for a few days but it was really successful. A couple months later, Addy got sick and started having accidents at night. Because we think sleep is so important, we started using pull-ups at night for her comfort. It didn't affect her daytime ability at all.
• Before starting with Anna, we decided that it was a lot to ask a little one who hasn't exercised bladder control to go 12-13 hours in a row (our children sleep from 7:30 pm - 8ish am) without using the bathroom. I know children who do it right away, we just chose not to with Anna. Sleep for this pregnant mama is imperative, Anna is teething and well, we're chicken. She is not using a pull-up for naps but is for nighttime right now. Maybe it slowed down the learning process for Anna? But sleep is always worth it in our house.
• As you can see from the picture, Anna is holding a book. The recommended process is quick on, quick off. Reading is important in our house and our girls love and feel comfortable when reading. So we break the rules. Not all the time but especially when I am anticipating a bowel movement, we grab a favorite book and let them read away.
  

If you have specific questions as you go I encourage you to seek Him for wisdom first and then you are welcome to email or call me with questions. Once again, I don't claim to have all the answers but I am more than willing to share what I do know. I recognize that this method isn't for everyone, or even possible for everyone but it does work for us and I'm always happy to share what I know from experience.

And I can say today on Day5 that by the grace of God, Anna was potty trained by 11am on Day4.

Lord willing when I meet our next hurdle in parenting, I'll remember to as I go take both my sorrow and my sin to the One who cares, forgives and offers strength. For there really is no separation between visible and invisible life lessons. Even in potty training.

"Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you..." ~Psalm 55:22a