{lessons} from the spice aisle

Last night I had the privilege of sharing my heart with a group of dear women. After exchanging messages on Facebook back and forth one afternoon my friend,  Lori, who leads the group called Keepers of the Home, asked if I would read the messages we had exchanged aloud at the monthly meeting.  Butterflies aside, I eagerly agreed because what I had written to her that afternoon was so much of my heart and deepest convictions.  For my friends who couldn't make it last night, here is a roughly edited version of my response to Lori when she posed the question, "What rights and expectations has the Lord shown you the need to yield to Him?" 

When we were first married, God used Greek Seasoning of all things in my life to teach me to surrender. A dear friend was getting married a mere 56 days after we got married and they were such a help in our wedding preparations, I really wanted to throw her a fantastic wedding shower, complete of course with Mediterranean 7-Layer Dip. (Because all great wedding shower have Mediterranean 7-layer dip)  The man of my dreams and I went to the store as happy as newlyweds can be. At least until we made it to the spice aisle.  The Greek Seasoning I needed was $6. At the time we were living on love and not much else and my husband had much greater vision for the future than I. He knew we had only a month’s more rent or so and that $6 was a lot to spend on seasoning.  In my heart I wrestled with him, thinking he was stingy, because REALLY, what is $6?? And seriously, was God asking me to submit over seasoning? Wouldn't a good God want me to serve Mediterranean 7 layer dip at a friend's wedding shower? My husband was surely wrong.  I shed a few tears in the grocery store aisle. 

Now it seems so trivial in light of eternity but even that disagreement about a spice was God gently (or not so gently) peeling back the layers of my flesh.  Ultimately my struggle wasn’t just about submitting to my husband in the area of finances, it was rooted in my mistrust in God and His goodness.

In a nut shell, the root of laying down all my rights was intertwined with what seems redundant "the right of entitlement." I think when we hold on to all the things we think we are entitled too (a husband who is a servant leader, children who show fruit of faithful discipline, a comfortable home, our own time, space, etc,etc) rather than holding on to what we have been given: grace--unearned, undeserved favor and kindness, and mercy--not getting what we do deserve, which is eternal separation from God himself. When God gave me the grace to see that what my sinful nature deserves is hell, and yet He not only justified me, proclaiming me NOT guilty through the blood of His Son, but He also calls me His own, a daughter, an heir…

EVERYTHING became grace. 

When we realize that because of our sinfulness we are really only “entitled” to hell, and yet He lifts us out of the pit because of His great love, not because we have a "right" to any of it, our hearts become soft, humble, and more gracious with all of those perceived "violated rights" we have. I still struggle daily, that feeling of "but God...I, I, I", and by His grace He leads me daily, often a dozen or two dozen or a hundred times a day to the foot of the cross where He says "I AM that I AM, and it is finished."

I twinge now when people use the phrase "you deserve it!" when someone is blessed with anything: a promotion, a spa afternoon, a night off, really anything "out of the ordinary," because it removes the glory from a gracious God who gives gifts and puts it on us "see what I have done!!"

I believe that having a right understanding of God's abundant grace, and our sinful nature, brings a hope, joy and peace that transcends all understanding and gives us the ability to say that all is grace...the diapers, the sleepless nights, the job-losses, the illnesses, all of it...because God is good and His promises are true that "all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." When my heart is right before the Lord, I am humbled at all that He gives and when its not, I become indignant thinking "but I have the right to ____, but I've worked so hard, Lord, it wasn't supposed to be like this because I..."

When we focus on the fact that the God of the Universe has called us His own for His own glory and for the satisfaction of our souls, our hearts are inclined to look at scripture and those around us and ask "what are my responsibilities with all that I have been given?" rather than the question "what are my rights?"

So that was a super long winded to say that all of the tangible examples I could give of laying down rights (from finances, to child rearing, to personal time, to sex) are all my laying them down at the foot of the cross because I realize I'm not entitled to anything, rather lavishly blessed with far more than I deserve.

As believers, especially as women, we really feel entitled to so much. But our Example, Maker and Savior, for the joy set before Him endured the CROSS, bore the cup of wrath that was meant for us and laid down His life as a ransom!!

That is what we are privileged with...the gift of being able to lay down our lives for one another, to suffer for His name's sake for the JOY set before us!!! Which is why whenever I'm struggling I go to the whole of Romans 8 but especially the last half.

So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
    For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us... 

...Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
    Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
    What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
    “For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
        we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
    No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 8:12-39 ESV)

As A.W. Tozer says in Knowledge of the Holy "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." The heading of his first chapter, "Why We Must Think Rightly About God." A few paragraphs in, he says "A right conception of God is basic not only to systematic theology but to practical Christian living as well. It is to worship what the foundation is to the temple; where it is inadequate or out of plumb the whole structure must sooner or later collapse...The man who comes to a right belief about God is relieved of ten thousand temporal problems...

That's it!! Having a right view of God effects EVERYTHING.

Wendy Alsup parallels what Tozer was saying

"Don't be content with the Christian desk calendar approach to Christianity. Don't be satisfied with a daily practical saying or some three-step process for being a good wife or a better friend. God has both called you and equipped you to know him. We have no excuse to remain ignorant of his character. Seek God's face. Understand his character. Pursue knowledge of him, for apart from the 'fear of the Lord' and 'the knowledge of the Holy One' (Proverbs 9:10) we have no hope for being a wise mother, sister, wife or friend…knowing our God and understanding His character are essential tools that enable us to exercise wisdom in our daily lives. As we study who God is and what he does, we are equipped to deal with the big and small issues of life. Knowing God and acting in faith in light of those beliefs is key to a life pleasing to God. Know him, and then act like you know him, that is faith."

I needed to know years ago in that grocery store aisle, that my problem wasn’t just having a wrong view about submission to my husband, but having a wrong view of God and myself. The only "right" I have is Christ's righteousness over me and even then it is not of myself but a gift of God!! As Ephesians 2 says:

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

So sisters,  as Lori moves on to talk specifically about the rights we think we have and tangible areas of our lives that need to be surrendered at the foot of the cross, remember Romans 8, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"

We can and should labor together to keep each other accountable, encourage one another to know who God is and then act like it. We need to encourage one another to ultimately find our hope and peace in the knowledge that God is a God who spared not His own son so that sinners like us, would be saved.  For when we fail, struggle, see our sin, we need to surrender it at the foot of the cross--even if it is hundreds of times each day-- and be reminded of what God has done for us because of His great love.  Its only then we can do just what Lori says “the next right thing.”  And we do the next right thing not because of what it says about us, or Lori’s mentoring, or anything else, but because of what it says about our good, gracious and Holy God.